Lessons I Learned From My Mother

Ruby Louise Dedmon

Nov. 4, 1913-May 28, 1995

Lessons I Learned From My Mother

I am reminded of my faith and my mother from the scripture in 2 Timothy 1:5 when Paul wrote to Timothy, "Your honest faith--and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you!"  (The Message)

My spiritual journey has been greatly influenced  from the teachings of my mother and how she demonstrated her faith with her actions.   My parents were great co-parents so I learned faith values from both of them.  They were great partners in faith development for me and my five sisters and we learned how to live a life of faith from them.

The following are things I treasure from my mother and seek to practice in my life every day.

·        Never take yourself to serious.  My mother had a great sense of humor.  She loved playing jokes on people and giving gag gifts to others.  Each year at Christmas she would always have a "gift" for someone who had done something crazy that year.  She loved giving gag gifts to her son-in-laws too. She could always find humor in just about every situation.  I remember one time at dinner she and I started laughing.  We laughed for the longest and daddy just sat there and continued eating. After about 10 minutes he finally said, "What are you laughing about?"  We had been laughing so long we could not remember what we were laughing about.  He just shook his head and continued eating.  She knew some of the funniest songs and poems that she taught us and could always tell a good joke.  I think Prov. 17:22 would be a good description of her humor, "A cheerful heart is a good medicine"  Prov. 17:22

·        Strong person of faith.  She believed that God would provide all of our needs. She was a gifted preschool teacher and would spend hours preparing to teach those preschoolers every Sunday.  She could tell Bible stories that would make the Bible seem so real and applicable to even a four year old child.  She taught preschoolers that God made them very special and they were very special to her.   I remember she would always call and check on her preschoolers if they were not at church.  She really cared for the child and his family.  When I was a teenager I would work with her in Sunday School and VBS. I believe it was through her example of faith that in college I begin to understand God's call in my life to be a Children's Minister.   During my seminary days and in my ministry in churches, I knew she was my most active prayer supporter.

·        Person of compassion.  She had a great love for people and her flower garden was a great passion for her.  Her flowers were a way she would share her compassion with others.  She made many bouquets for people to brighten up their day.  She also used this gift to provide beautiful flowers for the Sanctuary each Sunday.  I recall one time my dad suggested they go visit a couple who had not been feeling well.  Mother said, "give me a few minutes to fix some flowers to take."  My dad asked, "can we not go without taking something"? Her reply was a simple, "No".  Her compassion was never ending to our family and to others.

·         Wonderful encourager.  In first grade I signed myself up for piano lessons at school. We did not have a piano or the money, but she made sure that I took piano lessons. She would sit with me at the piano "singing along" as I would peck out the songs encouraging me with every note.  She was an encourager in whatever her daughters participated in their lives.  Her positive attitude was such a great encouragement even when we did not think we could succeed, she believed we could.

·        Teacher of faith in the final days of life. She was bed ridden with congestive heart failure for the last 8 months of her life with Hospice Care. She rarely complained except she wished she could get up and do something for someone else.  Even during these days she found something to be thankful for every day. In the final hours before her death she experienced a lot of pain.  I asked her what I could do for her. She asked me to sing Amazing Grace. It was 4:00 a.m. but I begin to sing.  I thought she was asleep and I quit singing. She opened her eyes and said, "Keep singing". Those were her final words to me which I cherish to this day.  I try to "sing" everyday of God's grace and goodness to me.

Ruby Louise Dedmon

Nov. 4, 1913-May 28, 1995

Lessons I Learned From My Mother

I am reminded of my faith and my mother from the scripture in 2 Timothy 1:5 when Paul wrote to Timothy, "Your honest faith--and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you!"  (The Message)

My spiritual journey has been greatly influenced  from the teachings of my mother and how she demonstrated her faith with her actions.   My parents were great co-parents so I learned faith values from both of them.  They were great partners in faith development for me and my five sisters and we learned how to live a life of faith from them.

The following are things I treasure from my mother and seek to practice in my life every day.

·        Never take yourself to serious.  My mother had a great sense of humor.  She loved playing jokes on people and giving gag gifts to others.  Each year at Christmas she would always have a "gift" for someone who had done something crazy that year.  She loved giving gag gifts to her son-in-laws too. She could always find humor in just about every situation.  I remember one time at dinner she and I started laughing.  We laughed for the longest and daddy just sat there and continued eating. After about 10 minutes he finally said, "What are you laughing about?"  We had been laughing so long we could not remember what we were laughing about.  He just shook his head and continued eating.  She knew some of the funniest songs and poems that she taught us and could always tell a good joke.  I think Prov. 17:22 would be a good description of her humor, "A cheerful heart is a good medicine"  Prov. 17:22

·        Strong person of faith.  She believed that God would provide all of our needs. She was a gifted preschool teacher and would spend hours preparing to teach those preschoolers every Sunday.  She could tell Bible stories that would make the Bible seem so real and applicable to even a four year old child.  She taught preschoolers that God made them very special and they were very special to her.   I remember she would always call and check on her preschoolers if they were not at church.  She really cared for the child and his family.  When I was a teenager I would work with her in Sunday School and VBS. I believe it was through her example of faith that in college I begin to understand God's call in my life to be a Children's Minister.   During my seminary days and in my ministry in churches, I knew she was my most active prayer supporter.

·        Person of compassion.  She had a great love for people and her flower garden was a great passion for her.  Her flowers were a way she would share her compassion with others.  She made many bouquets for people to brighten up their day.  She also used this gift to provide beautiful flowers for the Sanctuary each Sunday.  I recall one time my dad suggested they go visit a couple who had not been feeling well.  Mother said, "give me a few minutes to fix some flowers to take."  My dad asked, "can we not go without taking something"? Her reply was a simple, "No".  Her compassion was never ending to our family and to others.

·         Wonderful encourager.  In first grade I signed myself up for piano lessons at school. We did not have a piano or the money, but she made sure that I took piano lessons. She would sit with me at the piano "singing along" as I would peck out the songs encouraging me with every note.  She was an encourager in whatever her daughters participated in their lives.  Her positive attitude was such a great encouragement even when we did not think we could succeed, she believed we could.

·        Teacher of faith in the final days of life. She was bed ridden with congestive heart failure for the last 8 months of her life with Hospice Care. She rarely complained except she wished she could get up and do something for someone else.  Even during these days she found something to be thankful for every day. In the final hours before her death she experienced a lot of pain.  I asked her what I could do for her. She asked me to sing Amazing Grace. It was 4:00 a.m. but I begin to sing.  I thought she was asleep and I quit singing. She opened her eyes and said, "Keep singing". Those were her final words to me which I cherish to this day.  I try to "sing" everyday of God's grace and goodness to me.

The Lesson of Darkness

I remember as a little girl my mother always wanted a light on in the house even when we were sleeping.  She did not like the dark, therefore, some kind of light would be left on in just about every room.  I don't remember ever being afraid of the dark, but maybe that is because I was not in the dark very much!  To this day I can sleep in a room with a light on right above my head and not even notice.  I do have one nightlight in my kitchen, but not in every room of  my house.

So fearing the dark in a physical sense has not been a issue for me, however, there is a different kind of darkness that has brought fear into my life.  That is the fear of spiritual darkness when I've searched and wondered where God was in my life.  It has come in different venues as I traveled through my spiritual journey.  It seems it comes in the pivotal times of my seeking direction for where to go to college, should I attend seminary, should I move to another place of ministry, and during the illness and deaths of parents and siblings. I often felt that something must be wrong with me and I was not following the right journey or everything would be different or I would feel the darkness of confusion or even the silence of God.

As I matured in my journey of faith, I discovered that God is always present even during the darkest times of life.  It took a lot of discipline and trust to recognize that the darkness was often created by me and my fears rather than God not being there for me.  Learning to face the fears and trust is an ongoing process in my journey.

I've just finished reading Barbara Brown Taylor's book, "Learning to Walk in the Dark".  I found it to be of interest because she talks of a way to find your way in your spiritual journey when you don't have all the answers or sometimes you don't even know the questions.

She shares in the book about how we associate all that is good with light and all that is evil and dangerous with darkness. She leads you in a journey to recognize that God has lessons to teach during the dark.   She also reminds us that if we can put aside our fears and anxieties to explore the "dark" that we will find courage, a new way to understand the world and we can feel God's presence around us.  We will discover things seen and unseen have valuable lessons for us and sometimes we will discover we grow the most during the dark. She also shares how important it is to find our way through times of uncertainty and helping us understand to discover through the nighttime of life we can still have strength and hope to face all those life challengers coming our way.

In the last couple of weeks in the city of Dalton, our community has had to deal with several "dark situations" which does not make sense.  The death of a 16 year old who fought a battle with cancer but did not win that battle here and the death of a pastor who chose to take his own life.  Those are things that are not suppose to happen to anyone anywhere.  As our pastor on Sunday so adequately stated, "God works the Night Shift", he reminded us just as Barbara Taylor Brown did that God is there even during the dark.

Darkness in our lives often comes with a clear agenda and leads to ask questions such as "why",
"what were you thinking", and why does none of this make sense?  We may never know the "why", but thankfully we know God's presence is around us and we can have hope and strength.

Twila Paris penned these words which helps me bring understanding to the times of darkness in  the song :
 "I Will Listen:"

"Hard as it seems standing in dreams
Where is the dreamer now?
Wonder if I wanted to try
Would I remember how?

I don't know the way to go from here
but I know that I have made my choice
And this is where I stand until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice.

This is the faith, patience to wait
When there is nothing clear
Nothing to see, still we believe
Jesus is very near

I cannot imagine what will come
But I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand until He moves me on
and I will listen to His voice

Could it be that He is only
Waiting there to see?
If I will learn to love the dreams
That He has dreamed for me.

Can't imagine what the future holds
but I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand until He moved me on
And I will listen to His voice.

"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
The Lord's loving kindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Thy faithfulness". Lam. 3;21-23

An Intentional Act of Kindness

 

We often hear about doing "Random Acts of Kindness".  However, I wonder how our lives would be different if we practiced "Intentional Acts of Kindness".  We all have the opportunities to make a difference for someone if we would only stop and think and be intentional in our actions.

I challenge you to think back over the last few days and recall opportunities you had to make a difference but instead you chose to ignore because of whatever reason. Maybe you thought you were too busy, you were running late, or you were pre-occupied with your own issues in life. We all have the potential and opportunity to be kind to another and it does require one to have wealth or powerful resources.  It can be as simple as holding a door, helping someone load a heavy or awkward package in the car, writing an encouraging note, a kind word, buying someone a cup of coffee, paying for lunch for someone, offering a smile to someone you meet at the grocery store or maybe just sitting and lending a sympathetic or listening ear to a friend. 

 

The following scripture is a wonderful reminder of why I think we need to practice intentional kindness:

 

^27-29 Never walk away from someone who deserves help;
    your hand is God’s hand for that person.
Don’t tell your neighbor “Maybe some other time”
    or “Try me tomorrow”
    when the money’s right there in your pocket.
Don’t figure ways of taking advantage of your neighbor
    when he’s sitting there trusting and unsuspecting

Proverbs 3:27  The Message

 

As I read this scripture I am reminded that unless I am aware of the needs of those around me I may miss the opportunity to be God’s hand for that person.  I don’t think being too busy and walking away honors what God would have me to do.  And I have found helping others brings happiness to me as well.  When we help others we also help ourselves. It is not a prideful experience but for me it is one of humility that God allowed me to be His hand of help for that person. 

 

Recently I was watching a class of preschoolers outside my office window playing with side walk chalk.  In the class there is a little boy who has had a hard adjusting to being in preschool and chooses not play with the other preschoolers in the class.  In fact, he keeps to himself most of the time.  The preschoolers have tried to engage him in playing with them, however, most of the time he does not accept their invitation. He was sitting on the sidewalk with a piece of chalk in his hand and the picture of his family which is his comfort at preschool and it goes everywhere with him. One of the little girls in his class walked over and sat down beside him.  After a few minutes she said, "Would you like me to hold your picture while you draw".  I was surprised as he handed her picture and drew with the chalk.

 

As I observed the two preschoolers my first thought was, "Wow, what a kind thing for her to do."  And then as I pondered it a little longer I thought of the value of doing something kind for someone who needs it.  I know in the first few weeks of school she had tried to engage him in play but was turned down.  However, she did not let not that stop her from trying to be kind one more time.  When the teacher asked the preschoolers to put the chalk in the bucket and line up, she helped him put his chalk in the bucket. Then they walked hand in hand to the line with her still holding his picture for him.

 

I must admit as I watched this lesson from God through these preschoolers, tears came to my eyes. I was reminded that sometimes all it takes is to walk over to someone and sit with them.  Sometimes it may be sitting in silence for a few minutes before you offer a helping hand, but when you do God uses you to be His hand for that person.

 

I am also reminded of this quote from the 18^th century preacher John Wesley

 

“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can,  in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can”.

 

It may amaze you what an “Intentional Act of Kindness” will do for your life.

 

You will never know unless you try!

 

A-men

 

 

 

Do You Need a New Measuring Stick?

PONDERINGS  MARCH 25, 2014

Do You Need a New Measuring Stick?

I have to admit that I am not one to need a measuring stick for too many things. When I hang a picture I tend to “eyeball” it and said, “Oh I think it is straight”! I am not a “DIY” person so I don’t have a need for one for “do it yourself projects”. I don’t sew so I don’t need one to measure fabric. In reality, I don’t use a measuring stick very often. I have been known to use one to help me get something from a shelf I could not reach! I have several at my house for when my family or friends come and they do projects for me so they can be accurate.

However, when I begin to think about how I measure my life experiences, I wonder if I need a New Measuring Stick!  What do I use when I measure my self-worth, my attitude, my daily life, and what the future holds.

When we begin to measure our self-worth we often tend to use the measuring stick of “fear” when we look at ourselves. We spend time fearful of what people are thinking about us. We often find that we try to become what we think others want us to be rather than who we really are. We often use that “fear” stick when we look at how God thinks of us and we often feel unworthy of His love and grace.

The measuring stick of self-worth should be one that recognizes our uniqueness and how we were wonderfully and fearfully made.  The Psalmist expressed his self-worth in Psalm 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. When we use this as our measuring stick, we no longer have need of the “fear” stick of what people think or how God feels about us.

The measuring stick for attitude is decided by each person.  Life is not always like an easy Merry Go Round ride. More often than not it is Roller Coaster ride. I can remember my dad saying, “when you are in the valley, and you climb back to the top one thing you will notice: the valley was not as low as the last time and the mountain top is a little higher than the last time.” We need to keep climbing knowing God will always help us not go as low as we have been and will help us reach new heights of life through choosing a positive attitude.

The measuring stick for our attitude should be one that does not measure the WHY of our circumstances but HOW we respond to our circumstances.  The following quote perhaps could serve as a reminder of the kind of measuring stick we need, “The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.” Dennis S. Brown

The measuring stick looking at life situations, often is one that will use the past as a measuring stick instead of looking at the present.  There is not one person who has not had something tragic or bad happen to them. It could be a loss of a job you think was unfair, the loss of a spouse through divorce, loss of a child through death, your child chooses drugs or a lifestyle that is not what you would want for them, the list could go on and on with different unfair situations in life.

Using the measuring stick of “things are unfair” leads to the development of a lack of trust in people and God. A lack of trust in someone else loving you because you were hurt, not trusting your boss because you have been mistreated by another boss, becoming an overprotected parent to your children because you had the loss of a child, a fear of trusting your child again because they may disappoint again, and if God really loved me He would not allow these things to happen.

In order to overcome this we must recognize that our past is the past and we have to live in the today.  This quote is a wonderful attitude to adopt for living in the here and now.  “Fear not for the future, weep not for the past” Author unknown Words of hope and comfort are found in the words of Jeremiah, “And there is hope for your future,” declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 31:17

The measuring stick for the future is often; ”What is going to happen next?” as if it could not possibly be anything positive.  Using this measuring stick, the prediction will not be positive.

We may need a new measuring stick of “Hope”. The following quote from Henry Ward Beecher might describe this kind of measuring stick: “Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith and hope.”  The choice is left up to us to decide which handle we pick up.

The Psalmist in Psalms 31:24 gives instructions for those needing hope. “Be strong take courage, All you who hope in the Lord.” 

 Do you need a new measuring stick?  Just remember: “If the sky falls, hold up your hands.”  Author Unknown

Journey through Lent

Pondering, March 6, 2013

After attending the Ash Wednesday service I begin to reflect upon what does this season of Lent really mean for me.  We often think of giving up something for Lent to help us remember the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. I don’t think anyone could give up anything in their life that would represent the sacrifice Jesus made but at least for me it has always been a feeble attempt.

One year I decided to give up Caffeine for Lent.  It was about the third day into the Lent season my administrative assistant came into my office and said, “You know I don’t think God would mind if you decided to not give up Caffeine and gave up something else for Lent. I know I would not mind”.  I am not sure who was making the most sacrifice with me giving up caffeine.  I think she felt she was the one making the sacrifice.

You can also “add something” instead of “giving up” during Lent.  When I was living in the Atlanta area and faced the traffic every day I had a policy of letting one person into the traffic each day.  So I decided that I would “add 2 people” a day.  For those of you who have never driven in the traffic during rush hour that might not seem like much to you.  But when it takes 45+ minutes to go less than 10 miles it does become a sacrifice. Well at least for me it was a sacrifice.

As I have tried to continue to grow in my spiritual journey my Lenten journey has involved into different experiences.  I have come to see not so much the “giving up” or “adding something” aspect of Lent but more of the inward reflection of what Lent means.  As we go through the 40 days which leads up to Easter I want to become more aware of things I need to be doing on a daily basis.  In this journey I have become more aware of what it means to be in tuned to my inward journey of thoughts and actions.

I have come to recognize for me that Lent is more about paying attention to the little things in my life.  I recognize that I need to pay more attention to:

1.  My relationship with God

2.  My relationship with others

3.  My relationship to myself

As I ponder and attend to these things, my prayer and hope is that I will come to a sacred place of journey that will help me improve in the three areas.

During Lent this year I plan on doing random acts of kindness each day to develop relationships with my family, friends and to people I do not know. In doing these random acts of kindness I want to challenge myself to become intentional in paying attention.

My goal is to become more intentional in inviting God into my daily life activities and come to the place where I don’t strive to “do” more but to “be” more.

As you ponder your Lenten journey, do you also find the need to be more intentional in the sacred places of your life to pay more attention?

 

A letter from Joseph to his Mother

 

Dear Mom,

We are still in Bethlehem—Mary and I and little Jesus.

There are a lot of things I have not been able to talk to you about but I’m not sure you would have believed me anyway.  I want to share those things with you now and I hope you understand.

Mom, you know I have always loved Mary.  In fact, you and dad use to tease me about her when she was still a young girl.  I remember playing with her and her brothers on our street even though I was older than them.  I remember the dinners we would have together as families.  It was always fun to share times with each other’s families.

Just over a year ago was one of the hardest days in my life.  It was when I was 20 and Mary was about 15 and we were already betrothed and signed the marriage agreement at our engagement.  At the same time, Mary left abruptly to visit her cousin Elizabeth in Judea.  She was gone for three months.  When she got back, people were asking if she was pregnant.

I heard all those rumors and it was hard for me.  So one day I finally asked her, “Mary are you going to have a baby?”  Her brown eyes meet mine and she nodded yes?

I really did not know what to say but I finally muttered, “Who”?

Mom, Mary and I had never acted improperly—even after we were engaged. I did not know what to think. 

Mary in her quiet sweet way said to me, “Joseph, there is no way I can explain. You would not understand. But I want you to know that I have never cared for or loved anyone but you.”  She got up and took my hands into hers and kissed them both and started home.  She must have been dying inside, I know I was.

The rest of that day I stumbled through my chores, it is a wonder I did not hurt myself in the shop.  I was angry and my thoughts whirled around fast in my head. I finally decided the best thing to do was to end the marriage contract with a quiet divorce.  I loved her too much to make a public scene.

I could not talk to you or anyone for that matter.  When I went to bed that night I was very restless.  I kept hearing Mary’s voice in my head, “I never cared for anyone but you”.  I wish I could believe her!

I finally drifted off to sleep and Mom you will not believe what happened. I had a dream and an angel visited me in the dream.  The angel said, “Joseph, do not afraid to marry Mary.  Her pregnancy is Spirit-conceived. God’s Holy Spirit has made her pregnant.  She will have a son and when she does you, Joseph, will name him Jesus, meaning God Saves, because he will save his people from their sins.”  I remember that angel as if it were yesterday.  It was as if the angel held my shoulders with his huge hands and his gaze pierced deep within me.

When I woke up, I thought, “This is the answer”. The angel has given me the reason. I got up dressed quietly so I would not awake you and I went outside for a walk.  I must have walked for miles in the moonlight. Stars pricked the sky with light and there was a warm breeze blowing on my face.

I even sang to the Lord, Mom.  I know yes me singing. I could not contain my joy and I told God I would take Mary and care for her. I told Him I would watch over her and the child and I would always be there for her no matter what anyone said.

As the sun was coming up and I got close to home, I could see you outside and you were surprised to see me, remember? I said, “Mom, sit down there is something I need to tell you.”  You sat down on that big rock and I said, “Mom, I am going to bring Mary home as my wife.  Could you help make a place for her things?”

You were silent for a long time.  Then you said, “You do know what they are saying, don’t you son?”  Your eyes were brimming with tears.  “Yes, Mom, I know”.

Your voice started to rise as you said, “If your father were still alive, he’d have some words like, “I’ll tell you, going about like that before you are married. Disgracing the family and all. You and Mary should be ashamed of yourselves”!

I knew you would never believe me if I’d tried to explain, so I just did not. Unless the angel had spoken to you personally I knew you would not understand and would have laughed at me.

I remember saying, “Mom this is the right thing to do”.  Then I said in a little huff, “When she comes I do not want one word uttered to her about this.  She is your daughter in law and you will respect her.  She’ll need your help to bear the neighbors’ wagging tongues.”

Mom, you did not deserve that and when you got up to walk away, I knew you were angry with me. But when I said, “I need you”. You took my hand, got to your feet, but the fire was gone from your eyes.

“You can count on me Joseph”, you said as you gave me a big hug. I knew you meant it and I never heard another word. A new bride could not have hoped for a better mother in law than you those next few months.

After I left you, I went to Mary’s house. I knocked on the door and her mother came to the door but I could tell she was angry.  She finally loudly said, “It’s Joseph!” almost spitting my name out as she said it.

Mary came to the door and I could tell she had been crying.  She looked afraid.  I took her hand and I said, “Pack your things, Mary.” As gently as I could say it I said, “I’m taking you home to be my wife”.

“Joseph” she said.  She hugged me really tight.  I could see her eyes become brighter with the news.

I told her what I had been planning.  “We’ll go to Rabbi Ben-Ezer’s house this week and have him perform the ceremony”.  Mary was shuddering as she sobbed quietly.

“Mary”, I said.  I could feel myself speaking more boldly, “No matter what anyone says about you, I’m proud you’re going to be my wife.  I’m going to take good care of you, I have promised God that.”

She looked up at me questioning me with her eyes. I said, “Mary I had a dream last night, and the angel told me, I know”.  The fear was gone and she was radiant as we turned away from the house and began to walk up the hill.

Mom, I think her mother must have been listening because she came running out in the yard, “Wait” she called. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.  She said, “I’ll get your Father, we are going to have a wedding”.

So that how it was, Mom.  I will have to share all the amazing things that have happened since we arrived in Bethlehem.  You won’t believe all those things to, but it has been amazing to be part of God’s plan for the world.

I will write again soon.

Love, Joseph