"I'm Having A Bad Morning, I Need To Wear A Crown"

So what do you do when you are having a bad day?  According to one of my Pre-K friends you wear a crown.  One morning I noticed when she came in she had a crown. I asked her was she a Queen. She replied, "I'm having a bad morning, I need to wear a Crown".  As I thought about the 5 year old logic I decided maybe I need to buy a crown and put in my desk drawer for those "bad mornings"! 

What makes a day "bad"?  For a five year old it can be as simple as not wanting to eat breakfast or wear shoes.  As adults that doesn't even come close to what we consider a bad day would be but to a five year old that is their world.  I wonder how many things we consider as a "bad day" would really qualify as a bad day or maybe just our attitude about the day. 

One Friday morning I left my house to go to work and I discovered I my car had a flat tire.   My first thought was, "Oh great, I don't have time for this and I need to get to work"!  I called On-Star and they said it would be 45 minutes before someone could come out and change the tire. My day just kept turning into a bad day!  I went back inside and in about 30 minutes the guy called and said he was almost at my house.  When he got there he was friendly and asked me how I was doing. My first thought was, "how do you think I am doing?"  But I said, "well I've had better days."   As he begin the process of changing the tire he begin sharing how it was a good thing I was home and not on the road. He said, "you would have been on the interstate and had a blow out which could have caused an accident and you could have been hurt."   I knew he was right but I did not want him to make my bad day less than what I wanted it to be! I agreed he was right, but I still wanted to own my bad day!  When he completed and was ready to leave his parting words to me were, "I hope you have a blessed day and your day will improved". 

As I got in my car to drive to work, I begin to ponder what he had said.  Having a flat tire seemed like the biggest obstacle to my day.  But in the "real world" that was not very bad.  I should have been thankful that I was at my own house, no one was hurt and even though that was not what I wanted to spend my money on I should be grateful that I had the money to buy new tires.  Sometimes we get caught up in "our own inconvenience" and think that constitutes a bad day. 

A Stanford Research Institute study shows that 87.5 percent of people's success in life can be traced to their positive attitudes, while just 12.5 percent of their success comes from their aptitude, knowledge, or skills.   So even on those "bad days" we need to choose to develop and maintain positive attitudes so our lives will be become positive. Even when we encounter challenges we will be able to handle the inconvenience with a positive attitude.  This is not a onetime event it is a lifelong process.

We can't control situations or people, but we can choose how we respond to them. I think they are four key things we should ask God to help us to respond in positive ways: faith, hope, clear vision, and the energy to do what we are to do. If there are things we cannot change we need to ask God to give us the peace we need to deal with them.

So the next time I am having a bad day, I am going to wear a crown and ask God to help me change my attitude from a negative to a positive. 

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together" Colossians 1:17

"HEY, UNTO YOU A CHILD IS BORN"

One of my favorite Christmas Books is "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever".  It begins, "The Herdmans were absolutely the worst kids in the history of the world. They lied and stole and smoked cigars (even the girls) and talked dirty and hit little kids and cussed their teachers and took the name of the Lord in vain and set fire to Fred Shoemaker's old broken-down tool house."

It is the story of a Christmas pageant, that many churches everywhere put on every year to tell the Christmas story.  But when the Herdmans get involved the story takes on a new meaning.  One of the reasons is because the Herdmans have never heard the Christmas story before, so when they hear it, the words are not just words, they mean something.

For example when Imogene, who through threats and through extortion, manages to get the role of Mary, and she hears Jesus was born in a barn, wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manager, says, "You mean they tied him up and put him a feed box? Where was the Child Welfare?"  When she hears the Wise Men brought the baby Jesus precious oils and fragrant resins (frankincense/myrrh), hollers, "What kind of cheap king hands out oil for a present?"

The Hermands ask who is going to play Herod, and they hear he is not in the pageant, they are mad because they wanted to beat him up for trying to kill the baby Jesus. And in fact, they go to the library to find out what happened to Herod, and later the librarian says, "I might as well retire. When Imogene Herdman came in and said she wanted to read about Jesus, I knew I'd heard everything there was to hear."

The dress rehearsal was awful, with Imogene saying Mary should have got to name her own baby, and when she hears that the angel said, "His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace," Imogene says, "My God! He'd never get out of first grade if he had to write all that!"

The mother putting on the Christmas pageant says, "It is going to be the best Christmas pageant we've ever had!" and her daughter thinks it is like General Custer saying, "Bring on the Indians!"

But you know, it is the best Christmas pageant ever. I think Imogene probably looked like Mary must have looked. She was ragged, tired, scared and out of place.  She burps Jesus, because as she says, "That is the whole point of Jesus--that he didn't come down on a cloud like something out of "Amazing Comics,' but that he was born and lived....a real person!" Real babies need burping!  The Hermands who play the Wise Men bring the family's Christmas ham from their Welfare food basket as a gift for the baby Jesus. That was really a sacrificial gift for the family.  The Herdman who plays the Angel of the Lord, yells, "Hey, unto you a child is born"!  It was important that everyone listened to this great news, so "Hey" meant listen up!

As I look through the eyes of the Hermands I am reminded of the fact that Jesus birth was an amazing step into mankind and that God chose just regular people to be the parents of His child. We often want to "glamorize" the Christmas pageant, however, I believe the Hermands gives us a realist view of what God meant when he said, "I love you so much I sent you my Son to be your Savior."  He comes to us with all giving love and perhaps we should be more mindful of how this gift of love should excite us just as much as it did the Hermands!  And we should remember that just like the Hermands, when "love" comes to you, life takes on a new meaning right where you live.

 So how does the Christmas story make a difference in your life right where you live?

What are some ways you may make a difference in other people this Christmas by showing the love God gives you to them.

So,  Hey listen up! Unto you a child is born!

WHO IS IN CHARGE AT YOUR HOUSE?

I have been working with children for 38 years and every year I think it seems there is more of a struggle for parents in their parenting journey.  Society today has convinced us that children are fragile and they need to be handled with kids gloves.  Our culture has given us an attitude that children need to be "happy" all the time. Often there are few if any consequences to children's inappropriate behavior.  As I have reflective on this journey for parents, it lead me to write the following article.  This was published in Good News Magazine a Christian Magazine distributed in Dalton, GA.  I just thought I would share on my blog.

WHO IS IN CHARGE AT YOUR HOUSE?

As a parent do you find yourself in constant battles with your child over the things they want to do or refuse to do? Do you feel your communication with your child consists of two words such as "Stop" and "No"?

Parenting is a full-time job.  One of the most important things in successful parenting is consistency in dealing with your child in your expectations.  Children need parents to provide discipline for them because that provides a sense of security and helps develop trust. If you "cave" to your child's every whim, then you are setting your child up for failure.

Children learn that you love them by helping them make wise decisions. Sometimes parents don't want to set limits or say no to their child because they don't want to hurt their feelings.  However, children should not dictate how parents behave or what the rules are.  Children should be heard, respected and valued but parents have to be parents.  It is not about being friends with your child, there has to be a balance.  Your child throughout their lives will have plenty of friends, but they need you to be the person in charge.  You can be friendly with your child without being friends.

It is important to remember that whatever you permit, you promote. It is important for parents to remember that it is your job to set the limits, not to control how your child feels about it or reacts to it.  So why does it seem so hard to set limits and to stick by them? Parents want their children to be happy and it is hard to see your child hurting.  Sometimes it is easier to give in then to deal with the child's negative reaction or even out of a parents own feelings of guilt and discomfort.   Parents sometimes become focus on their own short-term goals to just get peace and quiet and not what is the best for the child long term.

It is easier for a child to replace a behavior than stop it.  So when you are setting boundaries think in terms of what you could say that would help the child understand better the behavior expected. Listed below are ways to help replace a behavior:

Feet belong on the floor not on the furniture

Use your big voice, I don't understand whining

Beds are for sleeping, not jumping

Food is for eating, not throwing

Our hands are made for clapping and high fiving, not for hitting

Out teeth are for eating our food, not for biting

We use our words to say how we feel not hitting

It is important to remember that you are responsible for helping the child become all that God has created them to be.  It is through love and discipline they will come to trust you and in turn learn to trust God.

"When we focus on trying to control the circumstances in our kid's life, all in the name of 'wanting what's best,' we put ourselves where only God should be in control."  Autumn Ward

Written by Rev. Brenda Dedmon, Director of the Children's Learning Center, First Baptist Dalton, Dalton, GA

Reflections of my Daddy

One thing I wish for everyday in my life is that I could sit down and talk with my daddy again.  It is hard to believe that it has been 35 years since I have had that opportunity.  I remember my last conversation with him was in the hospital ICU.  He had a major heart attack and the doctor had told us that he would probably not live much longer.  When I went in to see him, tears were rolling down my cheeks. He reached out and took my hand and said, "Don't cry for me, we know that I am going home to a much better place".  Through my tears I replied that I was not crying for him, I was crying for me because I would still be here without him.

I am told that I was a daddy's girl even as a baby.  Mother told me that in the afternoon when I knew it was time for him to come home, I would be in the baby bed crying and when he got home he would come in and pick me up and I was a happy baby then.  As a child I always wanted to go with him and do whatever he was doing.  The only thing I can remember as a child that I did not like doing with him was working in the garden!  He always said the garden was his hobby, but I never understood why I had to work in his hobby.   He would often remind me however, that since I like to eat that it was my responsibility to help with the food that came from the garden.

My dad was a great listener. As a young adult I valued that ability so much.  He listened without the need to fix or to tell you what to do.   I could talk to him about everything and yet he was not one to give quick answers.  He would think about what he was going to say and most of the time he never told you what he thought you should do, but after talking to him you knew what you should do.  I remember when I was finishing up seminary and was dealing with a couple of possible job offers I told him I had been praying but I did not have a clear answer.   His reply was, "Prayer begins by talking to God but it ends by listening to Him."   He said, "You just need to keep listening".  He was right and I was able to discern the direction God was leading me.

The following are some of the invaluable lessons I learned and still try to practice in my life every day.

·         Treat all people with respect.  My daddy treated everyone with respect regardless of social status or color of skin.  He felt everyone was created equally and loved by God, therefore, we should do the same.

·         Be a person of Integrity.  A definition of integrity is: what you do when no one else is watching. He did not believe in trying to be something you were not or doing something just to impress people.  He taught us that being a person whose "talk matched the walk" was a person of integrity.

·         Have a strong work ethic.  A friend of mine defined the word "Commitment" as :

"Doing what you said you would do when the feeling you had when you said you would do it is gone."  This definition defines how daddy felt about commitments you had made, even if something else came up you had rather do you kept your commitments.  My daddy had a very strong work ethic and would always do his best in whatever he was doing.  He felt that any job that you did was worth doing well.  His expectation for his girls was the same.  He was a great supporter of what I wanted to do and always told me the only person who could stop me was myself.

·         Spiritual Leader.  My daddy was a person of faith and practiced his faith in his daily journey. He was not perfect but he did try his very best to please God in everything he did.  His relationship with God was first in his life, next was his family, and third was his church.  I remember one time he was described by Tilford Junkins who was pastor at First Baptist of Athens, "Dewey Dedmon is Baptist from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet".  As I was trying to find discernment in what God was calling me to do, he always was my best encourager.  When I decided that God was calling me to full time church vocation, he was happy and very supportive. When I left to go Seminary he was delighted that I was following God's call.  One time he and mother came to visit me at seminary and he attended one of my Old Testament Classes with me.  When we were walking back to my dorm I said, "Well, you can now say you have been to seminary." His smile told me all I needed to know of how he felt.

         I never knew growing up that a "girl" could not be a minister in a church.  My daddy always said,   "You can be anything God calls you to be." My first church I had the privilege of serving with  Bro. E.T. Waddell in Decatur, Al.  My title was Minister of Education and I had a wonderful time fulfilling my calling to ministry with that church. He was also an encourager of my ministry just like daddy was.  So I had two positive influences in my life during the beginning of my ministry. 

        One of my regrets is that my daddy had already died when I was ordained at First Baptist of        Roswell.  I know he would have been the first in line for the "blessing of laying on  of hands."      I am proud that my sister's and their families were there for this special time in my life and I feel  they were representative of both Mother and Daddy.

As I begin to think of Father's Day this year, there is always an empty feeling as I look at Father's Day cards or even hearing commercials about telling your dad you love him.  I know my dad knew that I loved him, I just wish that I could tell him that one more time.  So if you still have your father, take the time to say I love you because when that is no longer possible here on this earth, you will be glad you did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lessons I Learned From My Mother

Ruby Louise Dedmon

Nov. 4, 1913-May 28, 1995

Lessons I Learned From My Mother

I am reminded of my faith and my mother from the scripture in 2 Timothy 1:5 when Paul wrote to Timothy, "Your honest faith--and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you!"  (The Message)

My spiritual journey has been greatly influenced  from the teachings of my mother and how she demonstrated her faith with her actions.   My parents were great co-parents so I learned faith values from both of them.  They were great partners in faith development for me and my five sisters and we learned how to live a life of faith from them.

The following are things I treasure from my mother and seek to practice in my life every day.

·        Never take yourself to serious.  My mother had a great sense of humor.  She loved playing jokes on people and giving gag gifts to others.  Each year at Christmas she would always have a "gift" for someone who had done something crazy that year.  She loved giving gag gifts to her son-in-laws too. She could always find humor in just about every situation.  I remember one time at dinner she and I started laughing.  We laughed for the longest and daddy just sat there and continued eating. After about 10 minutes he finally said, "What are you laughing about?"  We had been laughing so long we could not remember what we were laughing about.  He just shook his head and continued eating.  She knew some of the funniest songs and poems that she taught us and could always tell a good joke.  I think Prov. 17:22 would be a good description of her humor, "A cheerful heart is a good medicine"  Prov. 17:22

·        Strong person of faith.  She believed that God would provide all of our needs. She was a gifted preschool teacher and would spend hours preparing to teach those preschoolers every Sunday.  She could tell Bible stories that would make the Bible seem so real and applicable to even a four year old child.  She taught preschoolers that God made them very special and they were very special to her.   I remember she would always call and check on her preschoolers if they were not at church.  She really cared for the child and his family.  When I was a teenager I would work with her in Sunday School and VBS. I believe it was through her example of faith that in college I begin to understand God's call in my life to be a Children's Minister.   During my seminary days and in my ministry in churches, I knew she was my most active prayer supporter.

·        Person of compassion.  She had a great love for people and her flower garden was a great passion for her.  Her flowers were a way she would share her compassion with others.  She made many bouquets for people to brighten up their day.  She also used this gift to provide beautiful flowers for the Sanctuary each Sunday.  I recall one time my dad suggested they go visit a couple who had not been feeling well.  Mother said, "give me a few minutes to fix some flowers to take."  My dad asked, "can we not go without taking something"? Her reply was a simple, "No".  Her compassion was never ending to our family and to others.

·         Wonderful encourager.  In first grade I signed myself up for piano lessons at school. We did not have a piano or the money, but she made sure that I took piano lessons. She would sit with me at the piano "singing along" as I would peck out the songs encouraging me with every note.  She was an encourager in whatever her daughters participated in their lives.  Her positive attitude was such a great encouragement even when we did not think we could succeed, she believed we could.

·        Teacher of faith in the final days of life. She was bed ridden with congestive heart failure for the last 8 months of her life with Hospice Care. She rarely complained except she wished she could get up and do something for someone else.  Even during these days she found something to be thankful for every day. In the final hours before her death she experienced a lot of pain.  I asked her what I could do for her. She asked me to sing Amazing Grace. It was 4:00 a.m. but I begin to sing.  I thought she was asleep and I quit singing. She opened her eyes and said, "Keep singing". Those were her final words to me which I cherish to this day.  I try to "sing" everyday of God's grace and goodness to me.

Ruby Louise Dedmon

Nov. 4, 1913-May 28, 1995

Lessons I Learned From My Mother

I am reminded of my faith and my mother from the scripture in 2 Timothy 1:5 when Paul wrote to Timothy, "Your honest faith--and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you!"  (The Message)

My spiritual journey has been greatly influenced  from the teachings of my mother and how she demonstrated her faith with her actions.   My parents were great co-parents so I learned faith values from both of them.  They were great partners in faith development for me and my five sisters and we learned how to live a life of faith from them.

The following are things I treasure from my mother and seek to practice in my life every day.

·        Never take yourself to serious.  My mother had a great sense of humor.  She loved playing jokes on people and giving gag gifts to others.  Each year at Christmas she would always have a "gift" for someone who had done something crazy that year.  She loved giving gag gifts to her son-in-laws too. She could always find humor in just about every situation.  I remember one time at dinner she and I started laughing.  We laughed for the longest and daddy just sat there and continued eating. After about 10 minutes he finally said, "What are you laughing about?"  We had been laughing so long we could not remember what we were laughing about.  He just shook his head and continued eating.  She knew some of the funniest songs and poems that she taught us and could always tell a good joke.  I think Prov. 17:22 would be a good description of her humor, "A cheerful heart is a good medicine"  Prov. 17:22

·        Strong person of faith.  She believed that God would provide all of our needs. She was a gifted preschool teacher and would spend hours preparing to teach those preschoolers every Sunday.  She could tell Bible stories that would make the Bible seem so real and applicable to even a four year old child.  She taught preschoolers that God made them very special and they were very special to her.   I remember she would always call and check on her preschoolers if they were not at church.  She really cared for the child and his family.  When I was a teenager I would work with her in Sunday School and VBS. I believe it was through her example of faith that in college I begin to understand God's call in my life to be a Children's Minister.   During my seminary days and in my ministry in churches, I knew she was my most active prayer supporter.

·        Person of compassion.  She had a great love for people and her flower garden was a great passion for her.  Her flowers were a way she would share her compassion with others.  She made many bouquets for people to brighten up their day.  She also used this gift to provide beautiful flowers for the Sanctuary each Sunday.  I recall one time my dad suggested they go visit a couple who had not been feeling well.  Mother said, "give me a few minutes to fix some flowers to take."  My dad asked, "can we not go without taking something"? Her reply was a simple, "No".  Her compassion was never ending to our family and to others.

·         Wonderful encourager.  In first grade I signed myself up for piano lessons at school. We did not have a piano or the money, but she made sure that I took piano lessons. She would sit with me at the piano "singing along" as I would peck out the songs encouraging me with every note.  She was an encourager in whatever her daughters participated in their lives.  Her positive attitude was such a great encouragement even when we did not think we could succeed, she believed we could.

·        Teacher of faith in the final days of life. She was bed ridden with congestive heart failure for the last 8 months of her life with Hospice Care. She rarely complained except she wished she could get up and do something for someone else.  Even during these days she found something to be thankful for every day. In the final hours before her death she experienced a lot of pain.  I asked her what I could do for her. She asked me to sing Amazing Grace. It was 4:00 a.m. but I begin to sing.  I thought she was asleep and I quit singing. She opened her eyes and said, "Keep singing". Those were her final words to me which I cherish to this day.  I try to "sing" everyday of God's grace and goodness to me.

The Lesson of Darkness

I remember as a little girl my mother always wanted a light on in the house even when we were sleeping.  She did not like the dark, therefore, some kind of light would be left on in just about every room.  I don't remember ever being afraid of the dark, but maybe that is because I was not in the dark very much!  To this day I can sleep in a room with a light on right above my head and not even notice.  I do have one nightlight in my kitchen, but not in every room of  my house.

So fearing the dark in a physical sense has not been a issue for me, however, there is a different kind of darkness that has brought fear into my life.  That is the fear of spiritual darkness when I've searched and wondered where God was in my life.  It has come in different venues as I traveled through my spiritual journey.  It seems it comes in the pivotal times of my seeking direction for where to go to college, should I attend seminary, should I move to another place of ministry, and during the illness and deaths of parents and siblings. I often felt that something must be wrong with me and I was not following the right journey or everything would be different or I would feel the darkness of confusion or even the silence of God.

As I matured in my journey of faith, I discovered that God is always present even during the darkest times of life.  It took a lot of discipline and trust to recognize that the darkness was often created by me and my fears rather than God not being there for me.  Learning to face the fears and trust is an ongoing process in my journey.

I've just finished reading Barbara Brown Taylor's book, "Learning to Walk in the Dark".  I found it to be of interest because she talks of a way to find your way in your spiritual journey when you don't have all the answers or sometimes you don't even know the questions.

She shares in the book about how we associate all that is good with light and all that is evil and dangerous with darkness. She leads you in a journey to recognize that God has lessons to teach during the dark.   She also reminds us that if we can put aside our fears and anxieties to explore the "dark" that we will find courage, a new way to understand the world and we can feel God's presence around us.  We will discover things seen and unseen have valuable lessons for us and sometimes we will discover we grow the most during the dark. She also shares how important it is to find our way through times of uncertainty and helping us understand to discover through the nighttime of life we can still have strength and hope to face all those life challengers coming our way.

In the last couple of weeks in the city of Dalton, our community has had to deal with several "dark situations" which does not make sense.  The death of a 16 year old who fought a battle with cancer but did not win that battle here and the death of a pastor who chose to take his own life.  Those are things that are not suppose to happen to anyone anywhere.  As our pastor on Sunday so adequately stated, "God works the Night Shift", he reminded us just as Barbara Taylor Brown did that God is there even during the dark.

Darkness in our lives often comes with a clear agenda and leads to ask questions such as "why",
"what were you thinking", and why does none of this make sense?  We may never know the "why", but thankfully we know God's presence is around us and we can have hope and strength.

Twila Paris penned these words which helps me bring understanding to the times of darkness in  the song :
 "I Will Listen:"

"Hard as it seems standing in dreams
Where is the dreamer now?
Wonder if I wanted to try
Would I remember how?

I don't know the way to go from here
but I know that I have made my choice
And this is where I stand until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice.

This is the faith, patience to wait
When there is nothing clear
Nothing to see, still we believe
Jesus is very near

I cannot imagine what will come
But I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand until He moves me on
and I will listen to His voice

Could it be that He is only
Waiting there to see?
If I will learn to love the dreams
That He has dreamed for me.

Can't imagine what the future holds
but I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand until He moved me on
And I will listen to His voice.

"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
The Lord's loving kindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Thy faithfulness". Lam. 3;21-23