I have been working with children for 38 years and every year I think it seems there is more of a struggle for parents in their parenting journey. Society today has convinced us that children are fragile and they need to be handled with kids gloves. Our culture has given us an attitude that children need to be "happy" all the time. Often there are few if any consequences to children's inappropriate behavior. As I have reflective on this journey for parents, it lead me to write the following article. This was published in Good News Magazine a Christian Magazine distributed in Dalton, GA. I just thought I would share on my blog.
WHO
IS IN CHARGE AT YOUR HOUSE?
As
a parent do you find yourself in constant battles with your child over the
things they want to do or refuse to do? Do you feel your communication with
your child consists of two words such as "Stop" and "No"?
Parenting
is a full-time job. One of the most
important things in successful parenting is consistency in dealing with your
child in your expectations. Children
need parents to provide discipline for them because that provides a sense of
security and helps develop trust. If you "cave" to your child's every
whim, then you are setting your child up for failure.
Children
learn that you love them by helping them make wise decisions. Sometimes parents
don't want to set limits or say no to their child because they don't want to
hurt their feelings. However, children
should not dictate how parents behave or what the rules are. Children should be heard, respected and
valued but parents have to be parents.
It is not about being friends with your child, there has to be a
balance. Your child throughout their
lives will have plenty of friends, but they need you to be the person in
charge. You can be friendly with your
child without being friends.
It
is important to remember that whatever you permit, you promote. It is important
for parents to remember that it is your job to set the limits, not to control
how your child feels about it or reacts to it.
So why does it seem so hard to set limits and to stick by them? Parents
want their children to be happy and it is hard to see your child hurting. Sometimes it is easier to give in then to
deal with the child's negative reaction or even out of a parents own feelings
of guilt and discomfort. Parents
sometimes become focus on their own short-term goals to just get peace and
quiet and not what is the best for the child long term.
It
is easier for a child to replace a behavior than stop it. So when you are setting boundaries think in
terms of what you could say that would help the child understand better the
behavior expected. Listed below are ways to help replace a behavior:
Feet
belong on the floor not on the furniture
Use
your big voice, I don't understand whining
Beds
are for sleeping, not jumping
Food
is for eating, not throwing
Our
hands are made for clapping and high fiving, not for hitting
Out
teeth are for eating our food, not for biting
We use our words
to say how we feel not hitting
It
is important to remember that you are responsible for helping the child become
all that God has created them to be. It
is through love and discipline they will come to trust you and in turn learn to
trust God.
"When
we focus on trying to control the circumstances in our kid's life, all in the
name of 'wanting what's best,' we put ourselves where only God should be in
control." Autumn Ward
Written
by Rev. Brenda Dedmon, Director of the Children's Learning Center, First
Baptist Dalton, Dalton, GA
